SSKKREEEEEEEECHHHH!!!!!.......KLUNK.

Don't be alarmed! The sound you just heard was my marathon training coming to a gentle rest. Last Monday I started getting chilled easily. I would have a couple swallows of my ever present powerade and shivver for a few minutes. It was 72 degrees in the howse so I began to wonder what the deal was. I've heard reports that mumblingsages is constanly cold when the fat ppl around him are comfortable. Maybe that was happening to me (I've been losing weight during training).

Tuesday was my 'long' run in a regularly scheduled and much needed short week at 6 miles. It nearly killed me. Monday's and Tuesday's run times were paced at 10min+. I've been averaging mid 8s and low 9s, so I could tell something was wrong. M and T night I also had trouble sleeping as my body temp alternated hot and cold. Wednesday was a rest day and I spent most of it in bed trying to recover from lack of sleep, and I barely noticed an itch on my hip.

Thursday, I slept, sweated, shivverd, and scratched my itch all day. I asked Lisa (my wife (M.D.)) what my problem was. She said it was probably a mild flu, maybe even swine flu and I should just stay in bed until it passed.

Friday. I woke up(barely) in the morning whilst Lisa was getting ready for werk. She gave me some Pedialyte to help me rehydrate and t00k away my powerade. My itch was on fire so as she was about to leave, I had her take a l00k at the spot. Immediatly she said "Oh you've got Lyme Disease. We can cure that!"

Saturday I slept again.

So here is Sunday. I've been on anti biotix since Friday evening. I think this aftern00n I can play a board game with my kidz. I am hoping tomorrow I can try to run again.

July 4 2009

Once upon a time I thought it would be a great idea to roast a pig for a party. Pigs are big, so you need a big party. My neighbor Oscar throws a pig party every year for Independence Day so I just needed to figure out how to pull it off. Well, I researched for a while and after some fits and starts I found these 3 guys from miami with some instructions. So here is what happened. Oscar let me tear up a 5x9 foot section of his yard and we built the roaster out of 48 concrete blocks.

We dumped in a full bag of charcoal and lit it up. Once the coals were hot we used a long handle shovel to push the coals to the four corners for indirect heating. We added another bag of coals equally distributed amongst the four piles. The it was time to add the pig. A few weeks earlier, my dad and I had built grill grates out of rebar. The day before, ohcaptain and I picked up the pig from the butcher shoppe, brought it home and applied my double secret pork dry rub(note the spices in the cavity, note our messy hands). I had originally named the pig Wilbur. Wilbur came prepped and ready to go, we did have to rem00ve the kidneys. Lisa (my wife) cut the kidneys into bite size chunks and gave the dogs a treat (*shudder*). I also discovered that Wilbur was going to have a name change. Turns out Wilbur is a girl (note the USDA tramp stamps). Well we got her seasoned up and stuffed her back into the big plastic bag she came in. How do you keep 80 pounds of swine from spoiling over night? Well the refrigerator is much to small. Of course!!! Dump her in the bathtub and pack it with ice. It worked great, but the kids were a little freaked out so we hung a blanket over the shower curtain rod to hide the piggy.

Back to the day of the party. We had to get Betsy over to Oscars house where we built the grill. Well, Betsy was a big gal and we had a couple hundred yards to go, so we wired her to the rebar grills and loaded her onto the trailer.

He had the coals going so we placed Betsy on the roaster and covered her with sheets of aluminum foil. We covered all that with large hempish area rug that Tom's wife was going to throw away, and she c00ked marvellously for 4.5 hrs. I bought myself a remote f00d thermometer for father's day this year. It worked great and Betsy turned out great. Its a bit of a hassle to break down an entire pig into bite size pieces for a party, but it was worth it in the end. It turns out that the very best meat comes from the upper portion of each leg. Wow was that g00d. As you can see, there is an unwritten rule that when you roast a pig you are required to where an ugly shirt. 80 lbs of pork goes a long way. There was plenty eaten, and plenty leftover. Everybody loved it and we plan on doing it again next year. After we ate our fill and the sun went down. We kicked back and started blowing stuff up. Independence Day at Oscar's house is a blast!!

Circle This!!

So the jig is up. Tim's wife and I have been lying to him for several months. Yesterday, all was made known and I put Tim into my car and drove to Saint Louis for a Twins game. Its a long drive so we stopped to play tennis. (I'll blog that later). So long story short, Twins win!!!. Busch Stadium is a beautiful place to watch baseball so after the game we wandered around dodging ushers and Tim t00k pictures. Well, Tim being Tim, was taking lots of pictures so I was naturally wandering faster. We were walking thru the Redbird Club area of the stadium when a d00r opens and a man wheeling an overhead carry-on bag walks out in front of me. Now this guy looked an awful lot like my highsk00l English teacher. I l00ked for a pic online of him, but couldn't find it. I thot what would Steven Schwandt be doing in the press box of Busch Stadium when the Twins are in town. Then I remember that Mr. Schwandt was a dead ringer for Bert Blyleven. Now that makes sense!!! Bert has a very legitmate reason for being there. So I pick up my gait a little and (respectfully) shout, "Hey, Bert!!!" as one does. Bert turns and l00ks. I can see he is tired, its after 10pm and he has had a long hot day too. But he gives me the once over, recognizes a bedecked Twins fan ~500 miles from home, and stops to say 'Hi'. Well I don't want to keep him I just hope I can shake his hand and say something clever(<---fail). I don't want Tim to miss this so I turn to alert him. He has figured it out on his own tho and is hustling over camera bag akimbo, fingers flying on his camera, Twins jersey just discernable under all the gear. Well, at this point, Bert decides its time to shake off the beckoning hotel r00m and turn on charm. Bert shakes hands all 'round and Tim asks to take Bert's picture(duh) with me (huh??/skore!!). We thank him and exchange "how do we get out of heres", and he is joined by Dick Bremer in an elevator. Well that was last night's brush with fame. Its nice to see that some big shot (really outta be) Hall of Famers are nice guys even when there are only two people around and they really want to go back to the hotel to sleep.

I need to post more

Unfortunately, I don't have anything to say, nor time to say it. I am keeping busy running, gardening, working on the basement, raising kids. I'm heading to Rochester tonight to see a friend. That should be fun. Maybe I'll use this blog to tell of my adventures leading up to the Whistlestop Marathon in October. Yeah, that will be fun.

I Demand a Remach

Today was the annual running of the Shamrock Shuffle. There had been much planning, training, and a bunch of smack talk from mumblingsages. The day finally arrived. We made it to the venue with time to spare and hung out in the American Legion on Water Street waiting for the race to start. I saw the course map and realized that my guess of running along the river was completely wrong. We were going to run through Carson Park. Which means we were going to run up Carson Park Hill. Well this changed my strategy. My strategy was based on the assumption that if the race came down to a sprint at the end, I had the edge. I figgured MumblingSages knew this and was going to get himself out to an early lead that would be too much for me to make up at the end. So to counter, my plan was to stay 25-50 yards behind him no matter the pace and pray I had enuff in the tank at the end.
Then I thought of Carson Park Hill. The Mumbler trains ind00rs. On a treadmill. He is not used to real life hillz. I made a game time decision to vary the plan a bit at the hill. I would stay close untill we got there, then turn up the speed on the way up the hill and judge his reaction. Even tho it was less than half way into the race, I knew if I beat him up the hill I knew I had him. I even planned to let him catch me after the hill and lay in the weeds untill the end.
When we got there I was still rather close behind him. I sped up as we hit the bottom of the hill. He increased pace to maintain his lead. I thot about grabbing another gear to see if he could answer. I have run up this hill before and I knew it was still early on in the race. I also knew that I would not be able to maintain any additional speed for the remained of the hill. Last thing I needed was to waste my reserves too early. So I decided to maintain my marginal increase to see if he would fade before the crest. He did knot.
At about the half way point, the course has gradually worked its way down about a quarter of the hill when it hairpins and begins a short double-back portion, back up the hill, before it breaks off to finish the l00p.
I was starting to feel a little gassed at this point. He had set a pace that was quite a bit quicker than my comfort zone. My earbuds were rocking, I put my head down and started to focus on my breathing, all the while keeping him in the corner of my eye. I was heartened by the fact that even tho I slowed a bit I seemed to be reeling him in. Serve him right for going out to fast, I knew I could burn him on the back side of this hill. As I pulled alongside I could hear his feet slapping and he was huffing a puffing like a steam engine. I felt kinda bad for him so I l00ked over with an encouraging smile. Imagine my panic when I realized I was focused on the wrong fat guy in a blue running s00t.
Wild eyed I skanned ahead. There he was. About 50 yards ahead of me. His lead was at the upper bound of my plan and he was s00n to be cresting the hill. I picked up the pace and managed to cut the lead and nearly be shoulder to shoulder on the downslope.
Ok time to rest a bit. Gather reserves. The course is flat the rest of the way, but we were still a long way from home. As we turned the corner near the DQ he began to pull away again. There was still time. As we passed the apartments and residents cat-called to the girl in front of me he was 50 yards ahead again. There was still time. As we passed the park pavilion he was 60 yards ahead and time was running out.
I t00k out my Ronco Pocket Fisherman, h00ked the back of his shirt and began to reel him in. His lead shrank to 50 yards, to 20, to 10. Once I got to ten yards back I began to sneek peeks beyond him. How much race is left? Can I blow by him now? Can I make it to the end at top speed? The answer was always "no". Must wait to be closer to the end. Must cut his lead and get ready.
At five yards back, I made up my mind. There was about a half a mile left I was going to wait there until the last tenth of a mile to turn on the jets. Will I have enuff in the tank to kick up the speed? Will I be able to outpace his counter move? Will there be enuff road left to overcome? I never found out. Right at that moment, his lungs gave out and the leg injury he had been hiding flared up. He pulled to the side of the path to take a breather and nurse his leg.
I finished the race at a slowed pace. I had lost the rabbit I was chasing. I kept l00king over my shoulder, fearing he would recover his wind and come flying back (at this point I was still unaware of the leg problem). While I am always happy for a victory, it is always sweeter after a battle to the end. Yes, the fact that he had to pull off speaks to my superior physical condition. However, we still have the unanswered question. Could I have outsprinted him in the end? Had the pace he set tapped my reserves? The world will have to live without that answer. For now. I demand a rematch!

Preparing for battle

Throughout history warriors have prepared for battle. The preparations have echoed from eternity with as near clarity as the battle themselves. Time is but an illusion. It is but a crutch leaned on by mortals too blind to see eternity. Why do the legends of history speak to us? They have achieved eternity. They are not the past. All that they have done, they are doing. As I prepare for the Shamrock Shuffle on the morrow I can feel the presence of Hercules, of Napolean, of the Mongol Horde. Our goals may differ, but I can feel my preparations binding me to the fraternity of eternity. We brothers prepare. There is no when, there is only where. Here am I, programming a running mix into my iPod Nano. Somewhere David loads his sling pouch with stones from the river bed. Somewhere Popeye opens a can of spinach. Somewhere A-Rod drops his pants. Are those my fingers clasping my iPod? Or are they Samson's seizing the jawbone of an ass? Only the Philistines know for sure.

Its going to be a busy weekend.

As if the much ballyh00ed race vs. mumblingsages wern't enuff. Starting Friday at ten pm I have this to deal with. I signed up for the tournament and the race for the same weekend. I figgure there is not much chance that I will still be required to play tennis on Sunday. I am not that g00d anymore.

I suspect photoshoppe

Reports have come to light of mumblingsages suffering an injury whilst training for our race. Apparently there is a still pic of hidden spy video of the session. While the face is not visible I have my doubts that it really is the sage in the picture.

Injury report

Egads!!! Timing is everything. With four days to go, before the Shamerock shuffle I was laying low, minding my own bizniz. I have been training of course, but I am pacing myself to be ready yet rested this next Sunday morn. To that end, Monday I was calmly lifting a couple of ATV's out of snowbanks in the back yard when up walks Buenger Back. When I accepted the challenge to compete in the Shamerock Shuffle I was well aware that I was going to be dealing with a pain in the neck. I just didn't realize that it would be compounded by an actual injury. Buenger Back tends to visit at the oddest times. Sometimes he visits for a coupld hours. Sometimes a couple weeks. I played tennis this morning in a warm up for this weekends tournament and my mobility was limited by it. Mumblingsages may take this as a glimmer of hope. He would be unwise to do so. It may hamper my tennis game, especially weaking my dominant serve, but running in a straight line doesn't seem to be affected.

Shamerock Shuffle

There it lies. Mumblingsages removed his gauntlet and busted me across the face with it. Its hollow clank of derision against the cobblestones echoes in my ears as my eyes struggle to regain focus. I count my teeth and come away wanting. This could not have happened. Yet, there it lies, mocking my incredulity. Now what? No one would fault me if I were pass out in shock, from the boldness of the challenge. Do I pick it up? To do so, would to embark on an epic quest that shall keep bards and minstrels employed for millenia. The Shamrock Shuffle is not to be undertaken litely. It requires those that dare to traverse 5K worth of some of the most picturesque bike paths that Eau Claire, WI has to offer. In winter. Ho! Ye Fates!!! Were that survival was all that lies before me!!! Nay! and again Nay!! Mumblingsages dares that I should outpace even him along the shores of the mighty Chippewa River. Who is this mumblingsages? Should I fear him? Lo, he remains before me. Waiting. His nostrils flare. His head cocks to the right. What is he that I should fear him? His bearing is confident. His jaw is set. Yet. The breastplate of his armour bows as if under strain. What lies beneath? Mercury stands not before me. Tis but a man. A doughy man set before a flat screen and marinated in scotch. As though a bagpipe was but half filled with the Glenlivet and st00d upon its reeds. I will bow before him. Briefly. Only to retrieve that which he has dropped. I pause and spit my dislodged t00th at his feet. My tongue probes the newly emptied socket. I taste war. Rising, I thrust the gauntlet aloft. I cry "Nike" to the Athenians. The game is on.

Grey Mountain

We spent a night in Gray Mountain Arizona. We had to go to the gas station to check into our motel, because after 6pm the motel staff abandons ship. The big sign listed the price of gas at 2.9 cents by virtue of the other numbers falling off. I doubt anyone cared/noticed. I t00k a picture of the "wrecker" that they kept on hand in case of emergency. Yes, its nothing more than a mini-van with a trailer hitch. And yes, both of those tires are flat. And yes, I checked the two on the other side-- both flat.


But earlier that day we stopped at Montezuma Castle national monument. Its a ruin of a pre-Hopi tribe that vanished about 90 years prior to Columbus arriving in the Carribean. So the only white guilt I felt hear was that I didn't have a fancier camera. This place is way neat, and the sun was setting and lighting it up nicely. Nobody nows why they abandoned this settlement after 300 years of living in the side of a cliff. My guess is that they wised up.

On a Very Special 'Blossom', The Buengers go to Arizona

I am not a g00d photographer, but Arizona is kinda hard to make l00k bad. But first we had a layover in Denver. The best part of Denver is the big moving sidewalks.







In Cave Creek, AZ they have horses. At Cave Creek Outfitters they have tons of horses and their property buts up to Tonto national forest, which isn't a forest really, but national desert doesn't sound kewl. Anywhey Tonto national forest is about 2 kabillion acres and they don't cover nearly all of it in a two hour guided tour. Which is g00d because we don't ride well enuff for that. Anywhay.......Jeremiah rode a horse










And Lisa rode a horse.









Nicholas and I were much to scared to ride a horse. We have each ridden before, but you know how it goes. Some horses are really scary. Especially this one...













Its g00d this Jeremiah t00k this picture. Thats a scary beast!!!

Again with the dogs

Cute dogs. I figured the whole Interwebnet would want to see them.

PUPPIES!!!!!

Ok well Dash is a puppy and Tori is almost nine, but they are both puppies for us. We brought them home and we like 'em alot.

I got memed. So it goes.

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night.
I don't know the d00d's name, but I was watching Phenomenon last night. One of the contestants came out and l00ked anguished. During this time he channeled some dead d00d to tell him what was in the box on stage. His hand "auto wrote" in mirrored letters a vague description and of course he got it right. The judges/panelists/commentators were famed charlatan Uri Geller and some d00d named Chris Angel. After the performance Chris pulls out an envelope from his pocket and says he will give $1 million to the contestant or co-panelist Uri if either can tell him what is in the envelope. The contestant accused Mr. Angel of being a bigot and the Seacrest equivalent had to step in to prevent fisticuffs. I'd like to think the confrontation wasn't staged, but I am afraid to. It certainly was funny tho.

2. What were you doing at 0800?
Discovering that klund memed me.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
0800 was 20 minutes ago.

4. What happened to you in 2006?
I am a stay at home dad. Absolutely nothing happened to me in 2006.

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
"Are you going to put a shirt on before you go to sk00l?"

6. How many beverages did you have today?
1/2 diet Coke and counting.

7. What color is your hairbrush?
Real men don't own hairbrushes. They use their wife's. Its white.

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
$65 worth of 89 octane.

9. Where were you last night?
We finished trick-or-treating at Pastor Mueller's house. We invited ourselves in and drank his wine.

10. What color is your front door?
Kinda tannish beige.

11. Where do you keep your change?
In a trash can in my closet.

12. What’s the weather like today?
It l00ks sunny out. Maybe high of 50 if we are lucky.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Vanilla

14. What excites you?
Quiet.

15. Do you want to cut your hair?
Nope. I let my wife do that.

16. Are you over the age of 25?
Yup

17. Do you talk a lot?
No.

18. Have you watched any television series, regularly, to which you be ashamed to admit your regular viewership? What was your favorite episode?
NO. I watch "My Name is Earl" and am PROUD of it. I love the episode where Joy calls Earl a "dummy".

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
When I was a junior in high school, our basketball team was able to have two Steve's on the court at a time. Does that make me cool? One of them got a hummer from a cheerleader on the bus ride back from a game. I am pretty sure that made him cool.

20. Do you make up your own words?
Frueq no!!

21. Are you a jealous person?
Yep.

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Ok I have 5 friends. Brent, Tim, Mark, and Kevin. None start with A

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
Wow, drawing a blank.

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
I think its an insurance agent, but the phone is beyond my immediate reach.

25. What does the last text message you received say?
Please call.

26. Do you chew on your straw?
I use it to pick my teeth.

27. Do you have curly hair?
Mr. King C. Gillette solved that problem.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
Pick up a kid from Government sk00l.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
Kevin. He's a bastard.

30. What was the last thing you ate?
A king size snicker bar. It was really satisfying.

31. Will you get married in the future?
My wife and I are going "skiing" in Utah this winter. We shall see what happens.

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
Hitch

33. Is there anyone you like right now?
I like me. Somebody should.

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
Last night.

35. Are you currently depressed?
Nope

36. Did you cry today?
Nope

37. Why did you answer and post this?
Monkey see Monkey do.

38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey.
pffft. What makes you think I know five losers with nothing better to do.


Feel free to change out one of these questions for anything else you want to ask and answer.

Super Tornado

Yesterday was Tuesday again which is code for bowling night. I showed up early to pick up the shoes I ordered and figure out what kind of ball I need. Well, the shoes are a bland new model and are on backorder, which means they are popular. I have yet to determine if that means I am a trend setter or a trend follower. I think I must be the former as I am not observant enuff to have noticed if anybody else at league had a pair like them.

I don't mind waiting an extra week for the shoes, but I am getting nervous about finding a ball. Everybody says you can't score well throwing a straight ball and you can't make a house ball h00k. Also, it seems the heaviest ball you can get is 16lbs, but they are difficult to wield. Real men throw a 16lb ball. Candy-arses throw a 15lb ball. I bowled 191 my last game last week with a 12 pound house ball, so I am thinking I have potential to be a pretty g00d bowler.

Rick runs ye olde pro-shoppe at the bowling alley. He t00k me out to the lanes early and watched me throw. Then he lent me a 14lb ball that I could h00k a little, half the time. He told me to use it in league and I should do much better than last week. The ball was so heavy that I couldn't throw it the same way twice. Sometimes it would h00k, some times it wouldn't. I had no idea where the ball was going to go. Last weeks series I scored 448, last night I threw 350.

The saga continues.

HOLY BALLS

My signed me up to bowl in a league with the boyfriend of one of her friends. The first night I bowled 448 in a 3 game series. I ordered shoes, and I will be test driving balls next Tuesday. This is so unlike me.

Does this count as getting published?

Monday March 5th Garage Logic started with Joe reading my letter on-air.

http://www.am1500.com/podcasts/index.shtml#garage

Hunting progress

Last year I set out a salt block to attract deer to my deer stand. It didn't work. Giving up, I moved the block away and forgot about it for a few months. Then I noticed something interesting. The dirt around the block had been torn up. Apparently deer don't lick the salt block, but over time rain water washes the salt into the dirt. The deer dig up the dirt to get to the salt and ignore the block. So this summer I moved the block to within range of a deer stand to see if anthing would happen. Weeks passed. Months passed. Today I saw this:

You can clearly see where deer have been pawing at the earth to get the salt. This photo was taken approximately 10 yards from a deer stand. Hopefully the deer will return once the season is open. Other than this, I haven't seen evidence of deer in the yard beyond a few tracks. Still no scat, rubs, scrapes, or live sightings. However, the family dog

has been giving her "deer in the yard" bark with increasing frequency. As yet, I haven't seen the deer that sets her off, but it probably bolts before I can get to the window to look. The DNR is going to let me shoot very soon. I think 9/17 is the first day of legal shooting. I'll be out of town, of course, but I am getting excited about sitting in the woods for ours on end cursing squirrels.

Pumpkins Galore!!!

Galore is gaelic for three(3), right? Here are the pics of my previous pumpkins as of today.

The big leaves wilted and revieled a third pumpkin!!! Oh joy!!! Oh rapture!! That means I have successfully grown one(1) pumpkin for each member of my family. That is, of course, assuming that I don't count and get aced out.